![]() Seeking first to understand is like diagnosing a problem before recommending a fix. Seek to understand before being understood how to#Though we’ve learned how to speak the right way with the right words, we rarely get lessons on learning how to listen. We’ve learned throughout our lives how to speak and write well - it’s a major point of focus for our education system. Covey’s fifth habit is to “seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Being a better communicator begins not with the way we speak or write, but with the way we listen and seek understanding. To have meaningful relationships with others, we need to become better communicators - and that means starting with our listening skills.ĭr. Stephen Covey, the author of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, said it best: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand they listen with the intent to reply.” I think we’re all guilty of this, and it’s time we developed better listening habits. It turned out that they were not really listening - they were just interested in giving you their advice.ĭr. Or worse, they interrupted you without even hearing everything you had to say. You could see their gears turning as they thought of what they were preparing to respond with. Recall a time when you were talking to someone and halfway through your sentence, you could see that they were already eager to reply. You can find further application suggestions in Covey’s original book: The 7 habits of highly effective people: powerful lesson in personal change.While in a conversation with a friend, do you ever catch yourself preparing your reply halfway through their sentence? Look for emotions that are being communicated, but that may not come across in words alone. The next time you have an opportunity to watch people communicate, cover your ears for a few minutes and just watch. Seeking to understand requires consideration. In Habit 4, Covey defines “maturity” as the balance between courage and consideration (c.f. And being influenceable is the key to influencing others.” This is why habits 1, 2 and 3 are so foundational: because they us allow us to remain centred and aware of ourselves, therefore handling vulnerability caused by an external source with confidence.īeing understood is equally important in reaching Win/Win solutions. “Because you really listen, you become influenceable. Seeing the world the way other people see it allows us to understand how they feel.Īccording to Covey, it takes a great deal of security to go into a deep listening experience because we open ourselves up to be influenced. Empathic listening involves getting inside another person’s frame of reference, with the intent of true understanding. Very few of us ever practice listening on the fifth level, the highest form of listening: the empathic listening level. Attentive listening: paying attention and focusing energy on the words that are being said.Selective listening: hearing only selective parts of the conversation.When another person speaks, we’re usually “listening” at one of four levels: We’re generally either speaking or preparing to speak, most often considering what the other person is saying only based on our own experiences and points of view. We have a tendency to listen with the intent of replying rather than that of understanding. “Comparatively few people have had any training in listening at all.” He explains that seeking to first understand involves a very deep paradigm shift: we typically seek first to be understood. In comparison the many hours spent learning how to do the first three, the last type of communication has been neglected, says Covey. There are four basic types of communication: The author draws our attention to a general tendency to rush into other people’s issues and try to fix them by giving advice, often failing to “take time to diagnose, to really, deeply understand the problem first.” Habit 5 shows us how we can cooperatively deal with situations that arise within Win/Win situations when we’re trying to work together, taking into account our differences. Habit 5: Seek First To Understand, Then To Be UnderstoodĬovey tells us early on in this chapter that “even if (and especially when) another person is not coming from a Win/Win paradigm, seek first to understand”. It involves asking ourselves not only what we want from a given situation but also what the other party wants. The Fifth habit of Stephen Covey’s “ The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood”, is also the first step in the process of last weeks’ 4 th habit: “Think Win/Win”. ![]()
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